Boundaries

Oh, so very important

Photo by Hello I'm Nik on Unsplash

I managed to get away most of my life without even knowing about boundaries. I see now it was like wearing one shoe. It took a few too many pretty rough slides from grace, bouncing on the rocks of betrayal and abuse, landing in the proverbially gutter. In my defense, no one I knew, mum or dad or brother or sister or even friend, had mentioned advised or otherwise cautioned about the necessity, beauty, bounty, and liberation of setting firm boundaries.

I was a grown woman before I heard about boundaries. My life boundary-less lead to a moment in my therapist's office, a box of tissues nearby, a herbal tea clutched in my shaking hands. She wore Doc Martins and a vintage dress, her gaze tolerant, yet I could tell she was upset with me. What? I said. She replied — boundaries only work with people who respect your boundaries.

What?

I learned a lot from that tattoed lady. I learned self-love is precious. That I don’t have to please everybody, that my feelings matter, that abandonment is not the end of the world and that I can set boundaries.

Boundaries are the basics of loving yourself. You, as your own best friend and protector, set rules to ensure and maintain your comfort, freedom, and expression. Here you make rules about what kind of experience you expect from others in regard to your…